Back in December we started looking at the market for a possible new living situation. We weren’t sure at that point if we would be staying in northern Indiana or moving south to Indianapolis. As it ended up, we saw a renovated cape cod that was a foreclosure in North Webster at the beginning of February. After about six to eight weeks of praying, inspections, and getting paperwork together, we became homeowners.
It’s been a crazy ride of emotion and thanksgiving as we now have a new little nest to call our own.
We will be coming up with an official name for the house soon. Most lake properties have names and we were encouraged to name ours. This excites me, who loves to name pretty much any and every meaningful item (from gps to cell phone). Naming a house is just a given to me.
While we unpack boxes and make this house that more than doubled the amount of house we had before a home, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed sometimes with all that needs organized and put away. I’m glad that I don’t have another full time job on top of being home with little man right now.
I’m also glad that our final home is in heaven with Jesus. I don’t want to get so comfortable here that I miss that very true fact. One of our main hopes for this house is that it will be a safe place for people to feel at home and able to be themselves. But at the same time I don’t want to put my hope here.
I’m excited to see my gifts grow here as I minister to our church family and our friends. I think one of my primary spiritual gifts is hospitality. I know that the seasons of our life will ebb and flow with this gift. It will look different and I can’t expect it to always look perfect or without wrinkle.
One aspect of my life I’m learning about right now is how my heart loves to worship the idol of security instead of Jesus. I tend to use my other idol of control to service my idol of safety/security.
Both of these idols “demand a sacrifice” as Dee Brestin points out in her book ” Idol Lies”. We think that idols will make us finally feel satisfied, complete, whole. Instead we end up empty. Our relationships suffer. Our joy and peace are dried up in our pursuit of what we think will make us happy.
One of the most deadly forms of this security idol comes in the deep responsibility I feel for my own holiness. I struggle so often to let Jesus work fruit in me by the Holy Spirit. I know I have a call by God to put off what is part of my old nature and the lies in tempted to believe about myself and the God who loves me.
But, daily I find myself in this battle of wanting to confess things to my husband to simply feel better about myself. Dan graciously forgives me, but the part of me that struggles with OCD refuses to rely also on the forgiveness that has already been purchased on my behalf. Sometimes I ask for forgiveness for things that come into my head instead of speaking the gospel to myself and moving forward in grace. It’s hard to believe that temptation isn’t sin, or where that line is sometimes.
It’s humbling to admit this weakness. But here I am, learning to depend on the righteousness of Christ instead of my own striving to cleanse myself.
Philippians speaks about this in chapter 3:7-11. Verse 8b says, “I have suffered the loss of things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from Gid that depends on faith…”
What truth there is there in Jesus. I don’t need my own righteousness to feel safe when my security is kept forever in Jesus Christ.
How do you see the idol of security in your life? What is it demanding as a sacrifice in your relationship with Jesus?