When this woman learns to breathe again


Life as the momma of our little half Asian ninja has been an interesting few months. With Saturday marking his 7th month, we’ve been learning quite a bit about nurturing this tiny soul that screeches like a flying dinosaur and adds more flailing and testosterone to the Cottage than a small male puppy on caffeine.

Little Ninja is still a tiny person and discovers his ever expanding world through his mouth and fists.

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Dan is working 2 jobs (plus a couple of odds and ends type side jobs). The transition to the 2nd job on top of an already full time work week as been less complex (for me) than I expected it would be for our small family. Dan has felt the brunt of it I’m sure. He is doing this so that dollar amounts add up in the ledger. We have tried to also decrease our expenses. This is for a season we’ve agreed. We hope to have him back down to one job in the future.

Meanwhile, I’m adjusting to being a full-time Momma. There is definite monotony with dashes if joy in the mix. Watching Little Ninja accomplish new feats and make new discoveries has been a whole new playing field for both of us. I’m very thankful for my Daniel who selflessly has supported me in my desire to stay home with the baby. He works so very hard…long hours…long days. And he is very patient with this often weary home-maker.

Post-partum depression was a very real part of our lives for many months. I still feel as though I’m emerging…crawling out of an isolated darkness. I feel the effects of “shrapnel” in my soul that I often wish were totally and wholly healed. I thought before that I had dark nights of the soul but this has been the darkest and longest night yet.

Spiritually it has been very dark, dank, and hard…which is probably one of a couple reasons why I’ve not written here frequently.

Now, I have more easily accessible internet and a way to connect quickly to the blogosphere I hope to write more frequently. I know that each of us need healing. That is how this world works until our Bridegroom returns for us.

I want to be a beacon of hope and healing. I want to be a hand reaching out with a warmth that only comes when someone has felt the icy breath of the enemy, and the death grip of their own sin threatening to take them down.

I want to take HIM, the King Jesus, seriously. I want to take his words down into the very marrow of my soul and be healed, warmed back to live by His blood bought freedom. I want to walk forward in faith, truth, love. I don’t want to be afraid of myself and what I am capable of, but living mercifully out of who I already am.

Beloved.

I want to selflessly love others instead of loathing myself or waiting for someone else besides Jesus to fix me.

Join me I the journey?

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I’ve been writing here since 2009.
Here a new. chapter. begins.

Because He has been beginning me all along. Recreating the song that he created me to live and sing and move within.

Singing begins with a deep breath…a moving of living force into the lungs.

Breathe.

In with grace…out with thanks (as Joni Tada would say).

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Ruth says:

    Hey Kate! Glad to hear from you again! Hang in there, it will get better! You, Dan, and Little Nathan are in my prayers! Let me know if you ever need anything, or just need someone to talk to. 🙂

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