This morning I wiped off our kitchen island; the crevices of granite tiles reminding me of the kitchen island of my childhood with cream squares and dark grout. It was one of those moments where you feel that you really haven’t grown up at all, or have at least, come full circle.
Wiping down the countertop was a simple motion, but one that had an ultimate greater purpose. My homemade granola bar mess of last night had attracted some ants this morning. I scrub away chocolate so their creepy, crawling legs don’t give me the eeby-geebies anymore.
Life has gone on since graduation in a mode that I wouldn’t have prefered, but that my heart is learning to accept as grace…as unconditional love.
I’m living at home with my family in Indy, and finding that I can keep myself busy. I continue to look for a job, and I’ve had several interviews (all without offers). I’ve gone from seeking out graphic design, to just seeking out a professional-type job (administrative assistant, etc), anywhere in Indy or up north in Warsaw. I’m currently considering temp-type positions which look more favorable during this season of my life while we wait to see where God leads and guides.
I’ve struggled with sin in my life including doubt, anxiety, frustration, lust, greed, pride, worry, fear, and basically every form of selfishness I can think of at this present moment. I’ve found that my sin goes very deep, and that I’m helpless to remedy it apart from Jesus’ love. His love sends my fearful thoughts away, and His glory…well, His glory….
…puts my life into an eternal perspective.
I’ve been reading through the New Testament, and most recently have been reading 2 Thessalonians. In this short book, Paul reminds believers that their sufferings are going to come to an end when Jesus Christ is revealed in the last day. I’ve found great encouragement in this because it puts His glory up front, and proves that in the end, it is only His glory that matters. In my NIV Study Bible, it said this:
“The gospel invites acceptance, and rejection is a disobedience to a royal invitation.”
Wow. A royal invitation…
…He offers me (and you!) a royal invitation.
Dan and I have been invited to several weddings of our friends this summer. It’s an exciting time, and gives us opportunity to see each other. It has also brought a beautiful metaphor into perspective. At the first wedding of this summer, Emilyn surprised Brian with song of her choice as she walked down the aisle. He didn’t know what song she would choose. Emilyn chose Phil Wickham’s song, “Beautiful”.
She walked down the aisle at the part where it says,
“When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful”
It is freeing to accept an invitation rather than strive for perfection to be loved. It is really His beauty that matters.
I’ve come to see my attempts at physical perfection futile and endless striving. Over the past year I’ve gotten in shape, eaten better foods, and worked hard to become healthier. I’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight (though I’m not sure how much as I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the scale at the beginning). Though being healthy is wise, and exercise is good, it can only be wise or good if it is worship of GOD, not of self, or to make self feel more valuable. I must make the choice everyday to believe Jesus when He says that I’m valued, chosen, loved, and enough in Him, in a world that screams that sexuality is the determiner of value, and that if you aren’t enough, well, you aren’t worth much. Night is the hardest time for me with thoughts, emotions, and feelings, and It’s only by His unconditional love (grace) that I can say “no” to sin, and “yes” to accepting God’s love instead of my strivings.
…Enjoying Him instead of making it complicated.
There are several things that I could easily look to right now to “end” this season of frustrated job searching/purpose searching/waiting…continual waiting. I could look to being offered a job as the key out of this (seeming) prison of waiting for “life to begin”. I could look to engagement and marriage as the ticket to a new adventure destination to end the period of waiting and trusting that I’m in right now. If either of these things happened, my circumstances would change, but each would still be created/built to serve one Master, Jesus. Jobs and marriages are meant to serve His glory (not our own). Life has begun, it is riding on His love (not my ability). Jesus makes it very straightforward and uncomplicated for us.
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
It is freeing to realize that it isn’t all about me, but is about loving and living in HIM, and that somehow all of the pieces of life that are in disorder right now (or not in the order I’d prefer), are able to submit and serve Jesus with thanksgiving, with joy. This is the coolest thing ever!
When anything comes under submission to Him, it becomes redeemed. We don’t need to walk away from something in which we’ve died to self as though there is no resurrection. Because Jesus rose, we can fully expect that God will bring life from that which is dead! It may not be in the way I consider to be “life” or “goodness,” but isn’t His goodness always best anyway? YES!