I’m finding, I don’t know how to accept love. Accepting it from some people it is easier than accepting it from others. From my parents, I feel comfortable accepting their love. But most of the time, I find myself striving to earn every other person’s love.
I want to be a good friend (so that I’ll be loved and accepted).
I want to look a certain way (so that I’ll be loved and accepted).
I want to speak a certain way (so that I’ll be loved and accepted).
I want to avoid certain topics sometimes in conversation (so that I won’t be rejected).
I blush when I’m tenderly smiled upon. It’s a sweet, wonderful feeling. But I blush. (blushing? normal? probably. and I don’t mind it 🙂 Unable to know what to do, I try to accept it, because I love it. I really do. But sometimes I brush it off slightly internally, when I really should accept it.
To earn love is much easier than to rest in it..to lean back into the grace (unmerited favor) embracing me.
I am the same way with God’s love.
I need to lean back into Him. I need to rest.
Today was restful, even though it was a work day
Today was filled with walking and praying, remembering how much I really do love my job, and lovely conversation with a friend. It was story-boarding, getting paid to color with a sharpie and highlighter to create a vision for a video to be shown to lots of churches. It was prayer over empty bowls, prayer with a friend for her car by cubby’s in the rec, a 3 mile run, dipping bananas in melted chocolate, and being told that He leads us in triumphal procession in Christ.
So many good things.
So many caresses of His love.
Lord, please help me to accept it. I am not worthy, but You are, and you have made grace my garments, your righteousness my robe.