the desperation prayers


I hate this feeling of not knowing where to even begin.

Deep sighs echo out and my roommates ask what’s wrong….

This job searching stuff.

My heart easily becomes frustrated with my lack of progress.

My lack of pecking at sites of places that randomly come to mind

with a list of skills in my head that seems foggy.

thoughts: (“My they want a lot of experience.)

thoughts: (Do I even have any skills to share?”)

or are found from lists compiled by other random, google-spontenaity in motion.

 

My heart feels it heavy.

(job searching on a night I randomly feel like bursting into tears without any reason besides hormones isn’t probably the wisest move).

But the heavy blesses too.

For the only way I can look is up.

Raising my heart to heaven and coming to the end of myself.

Oh God help us.

More than jobs we need you.

More than Your physical provision we need Your soul-care.

 

And I remember that though the job search seems like a “red sea”

and though “the Egyptians are COMING!”

He is our bridegroom

and we are His bride.

And Bridegrooms (especially this one) don’t forget brides

And He will not forget us.

We are not forgotten.

 

And the end goal isn’t and shouldn’t be a job, but a closeness in communication with Him.

The end goal has to be His glory (or else in all of this we will be disappointed).

And the radical love has to happen here. now. (because this is all the time we have given to us. this is all the time given to me.)

Radical love entrusts oneself to the ultimate Creator… The Creator who knows the strength we need in our bones, and the courage in our hearts to step boldly into the great unknown. We need eyes to see opportunities.

But even more, we need eyes to see Him.

And faithfulness is faith-fullness. To be filled with faith: not seeing but believing.

We need eyes of faith.

Hearts emboldened by it.

Mouths that speak from the overflow of the heart. Instead of listening to these deceptively smooth lies:

“Oh, but what if it is so very painful, even when all others have their beautiful plans. What then? Hasn’t He let you there alone to figure it out, and yes, that does mean failing. He gave you all of these great experiences but what of them? Where do they fit in now? No answer? Well, that means nowhere if You’re honest.”

There isn’t any pain-cure believing that.

And He isn’t holding out on us. on me.

That’s the lie from the beginning of time.

What we can ask is this:

“God prepare us for what is to come with this love-learning here in this place, in this season, in this hour.”

“God, give us eternal eyes and a hunger to know you and know your love more than a hunger for life-circumstance-certainty or pleasures.”

“God give us the strength and resolve to do what is good, and give us the courage to step out or the courage to wait on You and Your timing.”

“God, help us to bow our hearts low when worry creeps near promising protection from hurt. Yours is the only true fortress.”

Amen.

 

One Comment Add yours

  1. “And He will not forget us.
    We are not forgotten.”
    – Amen to that!

    If you ever hear those lies again, especially the one that says, “Oh, but what if it is so very painful, even when all others have their beautiful plans. What then?” remember that no one’s plans are foolproof, except God’s. You can plan every step of your life out, but the likelihood of every single one of those plans working out exactly how you see it is nonexistent. Only He knows what the future holds.

    Keep your head up and don’t let the weight of the world drag you down. 🙂

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