Today is for talking to the woman who discipled me at Grace all last school year: Betsy. It is for writing, creating, painting, cleaning up messes, cooking, deep breathing, and laundry, reading the beginning of the book of Matthew.
There is something simple about summer…at least the summer’s I’ve lived when I don’t have a job, don’t have somewhere to be, don’t have a way to get to a place where I could ignore all of the lessons that God wants to teach me…
In this quiet day with simple tasks to do and joy in.
This is planting, this is living in the joy of Him giving me good work to do. here. now. Not somewhere down the road.
I don’t have a car right now because my worn Suzuki Sidekick, with its manual transmission is shot. I can look at it from the guest room window…it’s huntergreen paint pealing and It’s rims on the gray gravel driveway. It’s forced to sit, and so am I.
While there have been times over this first week of being home that I would liked to have had the freedom of driving whenever and wherever, I’m thankful that I’ve been forced to find peace here…and not in some other place.
I’m grateful that God knows what I need. I’ve not been a recluse this whole week. No, Mom has taken me with her to work a couple of days, and I’ve sat in the model home office in the blue chairs thinking, listening to podcasts, finishing my brown leather journal, drinking Fresca, eating salads. We’ve gone shopping for decorations for my new campus apartment in the fall. We’ve been to Holiday Word and ridden roller coasters and screamed as we flew down those wooden beams “WE ARE NOT AFRAID OF YOU!”
And life has felt slightly like a roller coaster these past few days (even in the middle of the quiet house, even in the middle of not having tasks to do, and deadlines to meet). My heart’s been on a roller coaster, and my soul has felt the waves of storm as I’ve clung “to the Rock that is higher than I.”
Some of this is to be expected. I’ve lived for 6 weeks outside the United States in a European country, meeting new acquaintances constantly, living in the ebb and flow of a new rhythm of life and work. I’ve lived with teammates that I now miss terribly.
And I’m back home (convinced more each moment that Christ is and must be my real home always). And I look toward the future, knowing what I want, not knowing what He wants, and find myself thankful for the next bit of light for my path. And through it all, I’ve gotten a bit of courage from Jesus. It hasn’t come quickly, but I feel my voice growing stronger as I say, “I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!” as I look to the next semester and the following few years.
And I get small glimpses of what He wants me to do, who He says I am. I see Scripture in fresh ways, and am thankful that though this Word never changes, it renews continually, and revives my soul.
Life has been a little like Scrabble pieces (I love this game though I’m not very good at it). I see one word at a time, and sometimes I see how two words intersect. And for me (as in Scrabble), it isn’t about the score really, it is about forming words.
And I ask Him, in my anger, if He really knows what love is… And He says gently that He knows all about it, and is its King and Maker. He says He has good work for me to do, regardless. And I thank Him once again, that though the path turns, He guides me forever.
The King of Love my Shepherd Is
“The King of love my Shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never,
I nothing lack if I am His
And He is mine forever.
Where streams of living water flow
My ransomed soul He leadeth,
And where the verdant pastures grow,
With food celestial feedeth.
Perverse and foolish oft I strayed,
But yet in love He sought me,
And on His shoulder gently laid,
And home, rejoicing, brought me.
In death’s dark vale I fear no ill
With Thee, dear Lord, beside me;
Thy rod and staff my comfort still,
Thy cross before to guide me.
Thou spread’st a table in my sight;
Thy unction grace bestoweth;
And O what transport of delight
From Thy pure chalice floweth!
And so through all the length of days
Thy goodness faileth never;
Good Shepherd, may I sing Thy praise
Within Thy house forever.”
I just found this song by Michael Card (one of my long-time favorite artists), and thought I’d share it with you here. It is from a CD of his based on Celtic rhythms and songs. It is called “Starkindler”